We live in a world where time passes more and more quickly and every day we are faced with anxiety and stress. I don’t know how much time we got left but there’s one thing we can do to feel happy and this thing is to experience true orgasms. In this article I provide scientific answers to common questions on male and female orgasm. Hope you enjoy reading…
What is an Orgasm?
An orgasm is an enjoyable physical reflex. When we are sexually aroused some muscles in our genitals become tighter and the flow of blood in the area is increased. When an orgasm happens these muscles return to the previous state (before sexual arousal). So an orgasm pretty much reverses the tensing of muscles and this is when we feel these pleasurable rhythmic contractions repeatedly.
When men experience an orgasm they feel these contractions in the penis area and 9 in 10 men ejaculate orgasmic fluid (sperm). When women experience an orgasm they feel these contractions in the lower area of the vagina and 1 in 10 women ejaculates orgasmic fluid.
How does it feel to have an orgasm?
We all have a unique way to experience an orgasm and the various sensations that accompany it, but where the physical contractions of orgasm happen is a different thing. Although each person has his own way with orgasm we all share common experiences and feelings. Here are some:
- changes in breathing,
- feeling of warmth,
- certain body vibrations,
- altered consciousness and more…
During an orgasm our body releases certain sex hormones (endorphins) in the blood and this makes us feel happy and fulfilled. Women may find it difficult to realize they have an orgasm mostly because they don’t know what a true orgasm should feel like. It is crucial to discover and realize our true feelings during an orgasm. Moreover we must accept the fact that our orgasm experience might be different from someone else’s.
What if I’ve never had an orgasm?
In reality there are a lot of people who don’t have orgasms. Sex experts tell us that 30% of women find it really hard to experience an orgasm. Young people who are not that experienced with sexual encounters, are also having a hard time reaching an orgasm. If you want to know what a true orgasm feels like you ought to know your body very well and you must also know what you like in sex. Only if you know what you like you’ll be able to pursue a strong fulfilling orgasm.
If you want to get there, first discover what is pleasurable for you in sex. A good start would be to touch yourself and masturbate because experts tell us that masturbation is the best way to experience orgasms. Visualize your favorite boy or girl and go or it! When touching yourself try various levels of pressure and stimulate your vagina, penis, clitoris or anus. You can do that with your fingers or with a vibrator. Get to know your body well and then it will be easy to experience a true orgasm.
Women may suffer from a condition called orgasmic dysfunction that prevents them from reaching an orgasm. Men may suffer from erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation which are anti-orgasmic conditions but can be healed with the right medication or help from a sex expert. If you are a man read detailed strategies on how to last longer in bed.
How can I reach an orgasm with my sex partner?
According to the experts, women reach an orgasm mostly through clitoral stimulation rather than through vaginal penetration. If you are a woman and you have difficulties reaching an orgasm then you should definitely try clitoral stimulation before or during sexual intercourse.
You can also ask your partner for oral sex although many men might not agree with the idea. Another way to experience an orgasm is through masturbation. The key to reach a true orgasm is communication with your sex partner so you can both realize what gives you pleasure and direct each other accordingly.
A woman’s clitoris swells during sexual arousal along with the blood vessels in the pelvic area. This brings a feeling of fulfillment and increases sexual sensitivity. If you want to sexually arouse a girl it would be a good idea to stimulate her clitoris. This can be done in many ways, for example by rubbing or sucking the clitoris or by using a vibrator.
Some women though, will tell you that they feel uncomfortable when touched in that spot and that it is painful for them. If this is the case with your female partner, you should avoid focusing on the clitoris and choose other body parts like the breasts or hips.
Vaginal penetration alone may offer clitoris stimulation if you are using the right sex position (e.g. woman on top). Try a variety of sex positions and find the one that offers the best stimulation and leads to better orgasms.
A great way to reach an orgasm easily is with oral sex. Again, communicate with your sex partner and experiment with various types of oral stimulation, find what you like the most and use what you’ve learned in the pursue for stronger and more fulfilling orgasms. Just remember that each person is unique and no approach works for everyone.
Here are 4 tips that can help you experience better orgasms:
- Try different sex positions and find the best ones and the ones offering the most pleasure.
- Take your time and relax because the ideal sex might take a lot of trial and error.
- Keep in mind that touching, kissing and caressing are really important factors when it comes to good sex.
- Talk to your partner about your sex life because communication is the key to discover what you both like.
How to talk to my sex partner about orgasm?
Your partner should know what offers you pleasure and this is a great way to reach a fulfilling orgasm. So, you need to talk to your partner because he/she cannot read your mind. This way you can find out what your partner likes in sex and you can help him/her too. What makes you feel good? What doesn’t? What do you want him/her to do? What you don’t want them to do? Be clear when communicating with your partner…
Better knowledge = Better orgasms
Talking about orgasm might be difficult at first but if your sex partner loves you he/she would be glad to know what offers you pleasure. Moreover, when you tell your partner what makes you feel good you don’t judge their skills in bed. Each person’s body is unique and each person’s experiences are different. Your partner will probably need to learn how to best help you have an orgasm.
If you and your sex partner have little knowledge on sexual matters you can do a little research together. You can find websites or books related to orgasm and sexual pleasure or you can find people who have more experience in sex. Learning about orgasm together can be fun and it is 100% non-threatening. Then you can agree to help each other experience better orgasms and you can try new things together (e.g. new sex positions) to fulfill this purpose.
How to use Kegel exercises for better orgasms?
Kegel exercises were developed by Dr. Arnold Kegel and are becoming more and more popular among individuals who pursue better and stronger orgasms. These exercises can be performed by both men and women…
Step 1: You will first need to locate your pelvic floor muscles. You will train these muscles when performing Kegels. To locate them put a finger or two into your vagina and then tighten the muscles in that area. You should feel some pressure in your fingers (even just a little). That’s it you located the pelvic floor muscles!
Step 2: Now it’s time to train the muscles. What you need to do is to contract these muscles doing fast short holds or a mix of short and long holds. You hold the contraction, then you release it. You can do this 10 times in a row and repeat this process 10 to 15 times a day. You can start by contracting the pelvic floor muscles for 3 seconds and then release them. You can do the exercises during phone calls, tv commercials, while you are surfing online etc.
Step 3: Perform Kegels (Steps 1 & 2) for 7-8 weeks and you should start seeing results. After training the muscles, you can perform the exercises during sexual intercourse to measure the results of your training. You should be able to reach more intense orgasms.
Step 1: First you need to locate the pelvic floor muscles and then train them just like any other muscle. You use these muscles when you want to stop the flow of urine or to hold back gas. You can perform Kegel exercises while lying down or while sitting or standing, it’s up to you.
Step 2: The idea is to contract and hold only the pelvic floor muscles and perform a mix of short and/or long holds. A typical exercise consists of a set of hold time followed by enough rest between reps. Kegels should train only the right muscles so the exercises must be performed correctly other wise they might not help at all.
Step 3: Repeat steps 1 & 2 for 6-8 weeks before expecting to see any results. Then, after training and during sexual intercourse you can perform Kegels while orgasming or before and measure the results. You should experience better and more intense orgasms.
IMPORTANT for both men & women! If you want to get the most out of Kegel exercises and follow a training program that fits your body and personality you should consult a sex therapist. The expert will direct you on how to perform Kegels correctly and get the maximum out of your training.
Are orgasms different in men and women?
The physical process of orgasm is pretty much the same in both men and women. As mentioned, a series of rapid muscle contractions occur around the genital area and sometimes throughout the body. These contractions happen at intervals of 0 to 8 seconds. This happens in both men and women.
What’s different is that women experience more orgasmic contractions than men. Men usually experience 4-6 orgasmic contractions while women average 6-10. Another difference is that the majority of men (>90%) ejaculate sexual fluid when reaching an orgasm. Only 10% of women ejaculate sexual fluid during an orgasm. In women the fluid comes from the skene’s glands in the wall of the urethra.
Experts say that it is more difficult for women to reach an orgasm than men but this is not 100% accurate. For example, with masturbation both genders seem to reach an orgasm in around 5-7 minutes. During actual sexual intercourse though, men can reach an orgasm in 4-5 minutes while women need at least 15-20 minutes.
Source: Brown University
Hope you enjoyed reading this brief scientific approach on orgasm. Remember that the more you know about orgasm the more pleasure you will receive when having sex or when you masturbate. The same goes for your body; the more you know about it the better your orgasms will be. I wish you unforgettable, intense orgasms because maybe it’s all we got left…